Please...Please Don't

I'M SAD
So, just let me cry...
Hell yea, I'm a cry baby. So what?
I don't give a FUCK anyway.

My life suddenly become grey. I tot it supposed to paint in rainbow style. But it did not happen. Only, I know what's wrong with me.

Since I tender my resignation letter two days back. Am so happy that I am finally leaving Teabreak for good. But, in the other hand, Hew asked me to reconsider about everything and even wanted to talk about the Jr.Art Director position with me.

Back two days, I wanted to tell Hew that I stick back with the resign letter and will be leaving teabreak in 2 weeks time. But each time, I peep at his room, He was so busy. So, I daren't go inside. Until...

Today - Friday morning.

I saw him inside his room. But I daren't go inside.

So I skyped him saying I have make up my mind that I will be leaving. He skyped me back "Want to talk about it?" I replied " It's ok.". And He skyped me and said, he will talk with me in the late evening and talk about the Jr. A.D. offer. Signing off with "Thanks".

I did not skype him back after that.

Then, Kenny called me. We chatted.

Kenny kept asking me to stay. I do not wish too. Cause of the problems that I do not want to face anymore. He even asked me, issit the salary problem? And I said no. He said, issit they pay well? I said Yes. And yet, I asked for a higher salary is because I have to travel a longer journey. 4x compare to Teabreak per day. I mean, I can go to and fro for 4times per day! And the parking per day is RM4. Duh. Kl place is freaking xpensive!

When Kenny heard about it, he told me to stay put at Teabreak and kept brainwashing me by saying, traffic jam, higher expenses and so on. But, still I insists of leaving. He even said, U can leave and I wont be forcing you. But I hope, in this situation you can stay a little longer.

Well, I do hope to stay a little longer, where I promised him before. But I promised him when only the girl - whom will gonna resign 1st. If not, then I'm the one who will resign.

And finally..he kept saying "you really wan to leave me mea? you really want to do like this to me??" And I replied him "why you talked like we are having a relationship wan? Like we are breaking up and you kept asking me wan??" He laughed. And said "I'm a good guy. You really dunwan me mea??" And we laughed together...

After the call was off. I MSN June and told her everything. She told me, if they all know (the management), how come they didnt take any action at the very beginning? How come they wan to promote and do everything when you wan to resign? Your management don't do things right. Even June asked me to leave for good.

And..yes, I know it too.

I was heart ache. I kept this feeling to myself for quite some time. I did not burst it out. I just tolerate with everything. But sometimes, when me and Kenny were alone in the office, then only I bring the matters up and told Kenny everything.

He and Hew did told me that they do not want this girl anymore. Even wanted her to be under the FA Artist leader. If the girl were in FA Artist, I bet she will resign immediately. And so I waited.

Once, I told Kenny. Since if she is not resign, then I will be looking out for job and start my portfolio and interviewing. When Kenny heard about my action, he told me that "if like that, I will just let Hew do what ever he wants. I wont be stopping him now". But I think, he thinks - I wont be doing my portfolio that FAST and went to INTERVIEW that FAST either.

Huh...

About late evening, Jan skyped me and Cat in a chat room. Asked us whether the meet up postponed till next week or not. As Hew couldn't manage to reach back to Teabreak due to mad traffic jam. So, I personally skyped Jan myself.

I told her that I talked with Hew this morning that I wont be staying in Teabreak anymore. Jan asked me to stay. Stay until I meet Hew. And she even said sorry that she didn't let me know about the news of the positioning.

I know, if they told me earlier. I might be staying. I love to learn things from Kenny. He's such a great leader yet Xperienced and everyone is polite to him. I even remember, even I travel to bangkok, I insists wanted to go to Carrefour, Big C and snap shot those POP or Gondola End. Block Display and etc as my reference and share with them too. I know, If I resign ady, I will be looking at another things and 30% chances only looking on POP / Campaign Items.

*Breath In, Breath Out*

Jan told me she kek sum. I told her don't kek sum. I told her, when I am still here, nothing have been change. Until I resign, only things want to turns good. It's too late already. Jan kept telling me that the positioning is real. Is because Steven was here, and the time did not suit right, that's why it's been postponed until...June.

I cry when I skyped Jan. I told her not to say anymore. Else, I really cry alot. She said, she also wants to cry too. And...I cry...until I went to the washroom and wipe my tears away.

I couldn't stand reading Jan's conversation with me. It hurts. Hurts me is because I feel bad myself. For leaving Teabreak when they really need people. Feel bad for leaving Kenny behind when he's still in a bad shape and health. I do not know what else to do.

If only, they do things fast, I will remain for the time being. But now..it's different. Leaving 3 Art Directors, 1 Snr Graphic Designer, 2 FA artist and 2 3D Multimedia Designer. Since Cat also leaving. So, there will be only one Snr. Graphic Designer.

I will definately miss Kenny for the most. Cause when I first came in Teabreak, he's the one who look after me. Teach me things. Answers all my questions. We even share knowledge in software too. And, when changing groups, Kenny will always protect me and don't want me to go with the others. Even Hew and Aryl rejected that I must be going off with another leader due to experience, but Kenny insists I stay. Because of this, sometimes, the others is envy about me. And they also know that Kenny will never let me go to others group.

Hah. Am touched.

But...am still feeling guilty. Still have 10 more working days, and I will be ex Teabreaker.

DAMN! I Hate resign!!!

*Kenny even asked me, do not care about the offer letter that I just signed. I told him, I do not want to feel bad already. I remember, last time I worked in Maxiimpact and I found another job that offer me what I wanted and I signed their paper. And then, when I give the resignation letter to my boss, my boss asked me "the other company offer you how much? I pay for the same price to you and hope you stay back. As, you know what we doing rather than going to the other company who do almost the same things like us. But if you are going to a better and bigger company, I will let you go." And I stayed another 1year, until I got the offer from Teabreak. By then, only my boss let me go...

This is what I told Kenny. And I do not hope to repeat the same thing again...

Though...I actually do not like working in a new company. As, I need to get friend with the staff and everyone. Be nice. And, I'm not sure whether they can talk vulgar? Or jaga their muka. (Telling the truth...I don't quite like the 2 gals I met. Quite damn lan ci type jiang!! If she both screwed me, I damn gonna give their tayar go pancit for sure!) But.. Penny, da gal who called me and we both speak cantonese. She's pretty nice. I hope I can get along with her. Oh yes, She's sweet ^^