Today is the Day

As planned, I told myself that I need to depart from house at 7.30am (due to not stuck at traffic jam or too sunny day)

But late yesterday night, I was watching DVD - 2002.

All the action, the story, it reminds me of you. I always liked Nicholas Tse from the very beginning he acted at Gen-X-Cops. But everyone would be crazeee over Stephen Fung instead. But when this movie - 2002 was released, both of the guy acted together as the main actor. And Stephen Fung will always reminds me about you.

Liked 2002 very much as it was like , me and you were being partners. No, is friends (as what Nicholas Tse voiced out in the end)

Somehow, using my iphone GPS just to get to Nirvana Memorial Park, Semenyih. I finally make it my ownself. Should I just be proud of myself?

I longing to go there all by myself ever since I owe my own car. And finally, here I made it myself.

Reached there about 9.20am. Asked the worker there to open your door. I did not cry, but am excited to see you and start preparing all the chinese joysticks. Asked uncle to give me direction as I am not chinese and I don't do all this things.

But for you Justin (beside my popo), I would do anything for you.

I remember I visit you on the day you were gone. You were sleeping inside the coffin. Closed your eyes. I burst into tears. I felt lifeless.

And your family finally see who I was, that you've been telling them all about me. I saw your mum cried. I saw your dad very sad so does your sisters and brothers.

I also remember that your nephew said "uncle, how come you don't want to come inside and why is there 2 black men standing next to you?"

By then, I wish I am still a kid. So I can see your soul coming back home.

I also remember, asking and praying very hard so that you would come inside my dreams. Each morning I woke up, I felt depressed. There's just blank image of dream and there's related nothing about you. But after few days and weeks later, you gave me 2 beautiful dreams about you. You were the angel. I even got a shock over my dream that I actually met you.

But when I woke up, I felt relief that you were actually hearing my prayers.

And now, even this morning I cried infront of you again.

Been 6years and I just had 2 dreams about you. It's so unfair. I wish to have more. To see how's your life have been all these while.

I know I shouldn't be sad. One of the Uncle told me who am I visiting and how come I came alone? And I told him I visiting a friend of mine. Uncle said, Oh, he must be very important to you and I answered Yes. And Uncle continue by saying "Somehow, you should respect and be thankful to your parents as they bought you to this world, so you can have the chance to meet this friend of yours". And yes, I understand what's that means.

Justin,

You're the greatest guy friend I would never ever can find anywhere. I'm happy that I've actually met you over the tuition center. I'm happy that both of us can make friends at the minute we've just met. I'm happy that one time you saw me seating from end behind at the tuition class and you've invited me to seat next to you. The face, the body language, the smile of yours, I will never forget. Friend of yours told me that you liked me, but both of us knew that we can't belong together. Friend of mine told me that you would be still alive if the day I accepted you, but I know, this is just reasons.

However, even today I spoke to you that I've still keeping the bracelet that you've given me. That was the only present I had before you left me. It happens so fast. So fast that you leave the world without saying a goodbye. Not even to me.

I badly misses you. Each year, each single year I would cry for you. Cry for your life to come back. And in the end of the season, I know you will never be back.

I leaved a note today and marked today's date before I close your door. I hope you saw what I wrote and from today / this year onwards, I might buy a small notepad and will leave a note for you each and everytime I visit you. And end of the note, I will be putting down the date I come for the visit. So, when you're bored at least you got something to read on :)

So, here I am ...

Writting you your chinese name. June told me that I written correctly. You know me, that I don't know chinese. I've tried to write you name on a piece of paper before writting down here. Hopefully you've got what I've sent over.

Please don't laugh at my handwritting. I know is bad :(

There - the chinese joystick is what I've done. Thanks to one of the uncle who taught me how to do so.

And yes, after inviting you to come out to get your things, I started to light up the fire my ownself.

But not forgetting, I've bought you Marlboro Light. Written a note for you too :)

Hope you got this too. I've just ran down to the 7-eleven this morning to buy you as promised.

The fire was started to burning...and burning

And I have to check if everything is really burned out.

There goes everything. You should be received by then.

And yes, I spend half of my day with you.

I stand, and seat, and stand again. Cry, went out to smoke so that my eyes can be distracted by looking at your picture. But my mind imagining about you, and again, I cry all alone again outside. I felt so stupid. So Idiot that I'm the only person who cried.

Hopefully today is the best day ever that you've got me all alone for yourself.