Hope to move on

I went to TeaBreak end of May. Hoping that they will call me up. Since is quite near to my place and it's a big advertising agency. I like the environment there. Instead, I love it pretty much. They do international. They do P&G. In a campaign, they develope to atleast 50 items. So is pretty big. Where else here I'm working, they also do campaigns but slightly small.

But in the end, they didnt called me up. Was so upset. Was so depressed.

I gave myself a week. If they really didnt call, then fine. After the 1st week of June ended, I have no calls or anything. I decided to gave up hope. That friday, I went home. I told my mum that the agency didnt call up. I even told Nicole bout that. I gave hope. They ask me to wait. Wait for them to call, since they need to decide and it's not a small agency.

Watever, I gave hope. I dont want to brainwash myself and telling myself that THERE IS STILL HOPE. I dont wanna waste time on it.

Somemore, both of the interviewers asked me - Do you know mandarin? Can you write and read? Maybe because I dunno mandarin gua. That's why lor.

But is that Mandarin so IMPORTANT ar? If like that, I better go overseas and work la. International language come 1st.

So I continue to look more to the Classified ad and Jobstreets. Two agency called me up for interview. Well, I dont call them to book appointment. I will send in resume and some of my artwork for them. If they are satisfied, then they can call me. Just hoping, they DONT CALL ME FOR having fun! I will be very mad.

So, two agency called. But both is located far. One is Ampang. One is Sunway.

Besides, I went to two agencies. One is in Dataran Prima, another is at Sri Hartamas. Both also I valid for them. But in the end, I didnt take their offer. Infact for Ellipsis, I lied to them. The most difficulties part for me. But yea, is for my own good. No one wanna see me unhappy if I really choose the wrong jobs.

Now. There's an agency from BrandCare need Packaging Designer. I looked up their web, and mostly they do is packaging, packaging and packaging. Well, of cuz most of it is international usage. At 1st I thinking to drop them a mail. But whenI think deeply, is not what I wanted.

I suddenly gave up hope in designing. I hope to explore more. Do more. But...when a new job coming in, I feel very lazy. No ideas at all. No mood to do design. It seems like, everytime I do designs, it will be the same flow. Feel like vomitting.

Dunno what happened to me.

Izzit I'm getting to lost hope in doing design??

I got this kind of feelings previously. But it just remain 1-3months that I hate designing. But now.. it lasted more than 3 months adi. What has excatly happen to me?

Or issit I really need to change job, so I can polish up my skills again?

Is really blank when June suddenly ask me to do design. Even when client brief me directly to a new jobs, I suddenly lost in the sense of design.

Am I really having alot of preassure that I dont like what I'm working at? I really really hope to change new job. Hoping to get the one I like, the one I comfy with. I'm afraid, If I'm continue to stuck here, I will be dead.

Somemore, I'm getting abit fedup of rushing here and there for my interview appointment. I have to rush to borrow laptop from wykie, den only rush to the agency. I'm fedup of doing all this ALL OF A SUDDEN. At the begining, I dont mind rushing it. But now... I'm getting fedup. I just hope to present it by giving them see from my pendrive.

I know, I know is unproffesional. But, is there any other ways? Yea yea, by giving them to see blog or print out. Duh~

Today is Saturday. June briefed me to do a leaflet standee. The one which can hold up till 50 leaflets in a stand. Our new colleague came out with an idea. He used back the same like the previous wan and amend abit. I told him, he can talk to June about his idea. I did listern to what he said. Maybe it will work. But whole day, in office. I download and snap shot some reference.

I like to see people's design. I like to see what they do. But when they tell me to do, I cant.

Is there any position that - once the designer finished, then they come to see me for approval? If I think it's not suit. The fonts and colour is not matching, then I reject? Got any position like that?

I'm starting to lost all my ideas. Everytime wakes up, I'm like afraid to go to work. Afraid to face my com. Afraid client will call and do new things. Afraid I cant do design and impress june. Afraid I cant make it from impossible to possible. I'm totally lost.

This is kinda the 1st time happens to me.