Saturday, April 19, 2008


Thanks to Wykie for lending me her laptop for the past two days. Though is abit rush, but it's worth it!!!

1st warm up, I went to Dataran Prima. This was introduced by Alan, my former ex Art Director who worked together with. He ask me go try since the interviewer need designer also. So, of cause I go and try lerr...

That day I called up was in Thursday morning, and she asked me can go interview.. So I make it on that same day at 8.00pm.

Rushed everything. I didnt know!! I have tol make plans on going back home to save my portfolios, and go jinjang to collect laptop from wykie..Then only fatty will come and pick me up, guide me the road to Dataran Prima there. Thanks alot to him..

Reached there, the Agency is in Condo. The women who interview me is quite nice. Very nice instead. She's now in servicing line where else last time she was a designer also. Is not much stress working with her, since can have own privacy online, can play MSN TV to watch. She dont mind at all. Only if can finish work, den it's ok.

She ask me lower rate for me is how much. She can only give me RM2.5K. I totally cant survive for that! If she need to budget, then how about me? From all the way to Dataran Prima lea...

Anyway, I'm the last designer she's going to interview and the jobpost is off already after me. Then will hear news from her within a week.

After the interview was over, Fatty fetch me to meet Wykie to return her laptop and sunpin eat western food nearby. Have chit chatw ith her until 11pm.. Then i gotta run off adi. Fatty still need to bring me go to Hartamas for my next interview and I need to be alert and joit down the road signs...I'm blur in road tracks.


I was in deep shit. Is nice to gain xperience.. Well, see how for that interview as I saw their website, It aint cool to me since the founder was a malay chap.

On friday, Fatty help me rush to wykie's working place to help me get the laptop. And he hoping to go to hartamas with me. Planned was like this

- since Fatty willing to help me to get the laptop, and I tot I wait him at the Menjalara skool. Then I can straight away find my way according to the directions I joitted down yesterday night.

Never knew, Fatty told me to wait him at Menjalara. Saying the Menjalara skool is in traffic jam. I kept on asking why... then onli I know he trying to rush back and wanna go hartamas with me. Sei Chai Bao. But worth it also. Got him beside me, I dont sked I make the wrong turning.

Reached Hartamas Plaza Damas, I drove up and find my Baby Neo a parking space. Keep on finding the BLOCK E! I keep on walk up and down the streets carrying the laptop with me. Tulan adi. I go back to Baby Neo, and put the laptop in the car, since Fatty is having a nap inside. Then I keep on walking up and down the small streets. Adui... Fatty open up the door and accompany me, helping me to bring the laptop also. I ask him, why he dunwan continue his nap? He said " I lagi heachace to see you walk up and down...


H even accompany to go up the stairs.. and went off when someone is opening the door for me. Thanks Fatty~

Filled up the resume given... awhile later, Jasmine and Rita came inside. I opened up the laptop, show and present them what I did now in this agency - I'm working with. Jasmine doesnt happy of what I did since I'm using alot of colours and making him headache. Then I started to xplain to him, that in what my company did is in this kind of roads. He only likes the one I did for MahSing Annual Report.

Only I know this agency is doing property and development. No wonder he likes the MahSing la. At 1st he wanna reduce my expected salary, which what i did is not related to what he wanted. And beside, he would like me to work with them. He said I'm honest, joyful, fun to work with. Not others designers who fake themselves saying -HEY I CAN DO THIS, NO PROBLEM.. CAN DO WAN". But when doing, Shit lor! Everything - TAK TAU!

I told him back, how he know I didnt fake up my stories and my designs?? He didnt test me on that spots either. Then he said, if you are really faking it, then you must be a very pro in faking until the stories you telling is very TRUE.

Ok... Make sense. Well, of cuz I didnt fake on my experience or my working ability la. When asked whether did I show face to client or argue with client or not. I say not really. Just ONE client kena from me. Which is the Air Freshener client, who this man - GIVING ME A BIG HEADACHE! They giggle, and say - that's what I said. You didnt hide things. I like the way you telling the truth -_-" (my god.. how come I let everything out from my mouth without controlling it?)

In the salary part. He did ask me, can I lower it down. I say DEFINATELY is a NO answer. He say, since I'm asking this kind of payment, and supposed to know everything where else I'm not related to what they designing now. Wouldn't I be scared if no one hire me? I sayNO. Why should I sked for? My agency is doing mainly in FMCG, and this nation wide have to HAVE FMCG also. Else dont makan tin food or dont buy products la. Aint that funny???

He told me to give him and rita 5minutes for discussion and will get back to me. OKays.

Within 1-2mintues, they came bek. That fast. Rita got ask me where I park my car. I say infront of Starbucks. Her eyes rolled up and say, it's expensive if I park my car INSIDE! It cost RM2.50 per hour. But if I really work there, then I have to park in the basement which cost RM1 for 3 hours.

Back to what they wanna talk to me.

Jasmine also did say. In this agency, if they are doing one cover design, he xpect designer to tell him 20 reasons whys.
- why wanna use this type of fonts
- why wanna use italic or light? or black?
- why wanna use this colour?
- why this colour stands for?
- it is suit?
- how come layout like this style?
- why wanna put this type of picturs?

bla bla bla..

even the name card... got so many reason!!!! Since their logo is transparent, it stands for so many reasons. Ada lubang, Ada Jalan. Log in to The three circles from small to big really have alot of meanings.

I starting to get xcited and yet nervous. I dont know whether I can manage it or not. Especially - needs to say everything of what you do in design and why you wanna do like that. Like going to study ar!! Lecturer ask why, student answers the questions.

To cut the conversation short, Jasmine ask Rita to tell me what they decide. Rita said : we love to hire you. Jasmine cut Rita off. Saying, it's wrong to say like that. I laughed...

Jasmine said, I would like you to join with us and will be giving you 2.6k in the main time. I tot of giving you 2.5k but I dont know why I wanna give you 2.6k instead. I dont wanna give you 2.7k cause I dont like 2007 year. Within this three months probabtion, If you are hardworking and creative and work well, I will give you 2.8k. But even, if you worked well within two months, I will give you 2.8k earlier. Good?

Cool. But I will let him know whether am I going to work with them. I told him I call him back on either monday or tuesday. He said, make it on monday. If I couldnt join them, then they have to redecide the other TWO designers who came the interview earlier.

So, what do you think? From Sri Damansara to Hartamas. Parking fees. My lunch time. My god! That is reli reli an expensive place. Cafe, Sushi... so xpensive.. got mamak also la..

I counted adi. RM1.1k sure fly each month joh de. I totally cant reduce that one. So imagine, RM1 for 3 hours. Means 9 hours working will be RM3 per day. What else if OT?? add in xtra RM1 and RM1. Mon - Fri.

Then Fatty also say, RM10 for petrol a day... ughhh... I need not spend too much if I reli work there. And I cant even SPEND also!!! No xtra left man! You think - wow! 2.6 / 2.8k woh. That's big earns. So what?? I adi waste it on my food and petrol and parking. UNLESS, I need to gain more experience, then I have to think in another part.

In dilemma now...

Monday I have to give answer. I hope to find back FMCG. I'm afraid of getting fedup doing property things. Imagine, everyday you go to work - you do clean and clear layouts. Bonus is, I can learn how to speak up for my designs. And Jasmine will teach me on that. Polish up my skills as well. He knows I need to cover up my expenses. Which is totally true. !!

While driving back, I head to wykie's place. To return back her laptop. On the way, I keep on busy talking and discussing my interview with Fatty. Twice adi I do wrong turnings. The most terrific is, I turn to selayang - Instead of going straight to Jalan Ipoh. My headache strikes back. Most probably in the interview, I keep on thinking and talking and listerning.

So, fatty guide me to go out. Turn left right... And I suddenly feel so relief when he's besides me. I feel so so safe. Dont sked I will get lost. He's so ... so amazing!!! I'm totally speechless when from turning all the small lane, can meet bek to the way of small road in Jln Ipoh. So cool...

Aiii... Saturday liao la.. Tomolo Sunday...Then Monday!!! my BIG DAY!!!!!

Monday, April 14, 2008

My N6260 Gone

I'm FUCKING sad ar!!!!!!


As many people know that I'm going to save up for my Singapore trip. Been worring alot for the currancy and the hotel rate. So after my work today, I drove to Carrefour and Prima Jusco (two places) to hunt for the lower rate of exchanging money. 2.31 now. Duh.. Hotel, nicole still helping me to get a cheaper price.

Then another news is Fatty got sick. I met him after I check out my stuff. Accompany him to see doctor, den only go for our dinner. Then I told him, why not we check out on internet bout our hotel rates. He's fine with it.

While checking the rates, even asking around for Singapore Hotel rates, and my phone kept on having sms. Well... Juz two sms like that. So, I just put on the table and continue my log on personal profiles.

N guess what? My phone oredi in trouble joh la. I reli reli mm sai dak to change or buy new phone. It costed alot of DAMN FUCKING MONEY! Money aint easy come inside my pocket. That time I bought also almost 1K. And that's AP model also. So you say la, how I dare to trade in and buy new phone?

Just last sunday, Fatty kept seeing my watch and ask me questions dat why I dont wanna change it. How come is still working? And he himself know that it's a couple watch and bought at bangkok that moment. I told him back, I just love the way it is. The way it looks is totally unique from others, although is cheap la. And I only got another xtra watch which is the Esprit - I hunt this watch each of the watchshop. Costed me almost RM300+. So, just tell me. For biasa outing, I sure wear back the bangkok watch ner. I where will dare to wear around my esprit? Somemore it is easy to broken and it's going to broken soon.

Then, talk about phone. Cuz watch and phone also is couple for previous relation. So fatty say, if change, sure change phone 1st! Since my phone adi sot sot dei...

(reli reli reli reli fucking wish I can spend guys money la)

Back to my phone story...

After CC, went back home. Fatty ask me to accompany him awhile. And I did. He felt asleep after eating the medi. I got nothing to do. So I look again those wording written at his DIY table. This table remind me that he wrote my number while asking from Mei. While looking at the table. I felt uneasy. Uneasy to see some writting which is still at the table. Making me abit fedup. Making me totally lost hope. Making me "should I trust this guy?" Is past la I know. But....haih. Just forget it la. I talk much also no use. Cause is their past. I cant totally wash his memory of neither can he. But see la. See how long I can take and manage all this matters. Else I will do it once and for all.Then bye adi la. Old gone, New come.

So, since saw all the things at the table. I felt abit down. See Fatty sleeping face. See the table. See again Fatty sleeping face. See the table once more. Then give a light kiss to fatty forehead and I switch off his light, went down and let myself out from his house.

Drove slowly and gentle with my baby neo. Hoping to spend more time with my car without listerning any music at all. Just silence mode.

When reached home, I suddenly feel like checking my bag before getting out from my car to reverse my dad's car. All of a sudden...


I topssy over my bag. All my stuff fall off. N there is no NOKIA6260!!! I lost my mind. Straight away drove to the CC. While speeding, I knew that my phone will be LOST. But I just hope, I try. I really need my phone badly.

Reached at the CC. I ask the counter guy. He even accompany me to the last place which I sat. N YES, my phone lost adi. I'm totally weak. Feel like just faint at the spot.

Collected my souls from running far away from me. Drove to Fatty house, let my self in again (sorry). Go to fatty room. He's still sleeping soundly. Wrote a note to him that I lost my phone at CC, anything just call my 016. Then, I drove off. Drrove off in highspeed. And thanks to Baby Neo, cause it's break really really break tight and make my tyre have sounds!! Even cut and hon people who block my way that nite. As I said, I lost my mind!!!!

I know is not new. I know my phone is already old fashion. I know it wont have much value.

But IT'S MY PHONE. Besides, my memory card... my contacts, all the fucking stuff that I need. That's why, even my phone dont have ringtone now. And I use vibration to answers and receiving sms. But it's still not the time for me to change phone now. Really not now.

Last time I oredi lost my mind and fuck one guy when he go and format my mobile. But luckily, my contact all not lost yet. BUT NOW! I dont have adi laaaa... My 016 hardly keep contact de. Sei mou. I very hate this world la. Hate myself for being so careless. Hate myself for going to CC also. Whatever, HATE MYSELF LA!

Really really feel like crying. Just now bathing also two tears drop. Really broke heart. Not because of the couple phone la. Is that I do treassure it alot. Alot more. Coz this model is different from others. The camera is side. So is unique. Can flip and turn around. I like the way it is. That's why I'm seriously hurt.

I dunno whether tomolo I got the heart to work or not. Hoping to get one day off tomolo. Hoping to go to Maxis and get my number if possible. But i cant, since I'm holding that key. Duh. Life full of hatred.

Cant sleep...Cant sleeep arr...

My smsss...... My fatty sms... I adi jot down some..but not all. Everytime I wanna joit down, but no time. John will know. Kah Hoe will know. Both of them will know what I do with my sms. THAT'S WHY I SAY MY PHONE IS IMPORTANT!!!

Shit.. my wallet notes inside my phone.. got my bank account and my password. Ugh! Why all this things happen to me de. Luckily it need password to open. But... still I HATE LA!!!!!!!

Then my number... Ugh!!!! I've sent out resume adi la.. All also to my 012 de... Very very the headacheeeeeeee!!!!!!

Hoping to leave this country. Hate to see everything around me all of A SUDDEN. Somemore, all the things I dont which to see, suddenly appear infront of me. Why wanna make me heart pain? WHY??? What did I do wrong in my past? Aint I treat every of my ex too good enough that I need to see all those things which i supposedly not to see or peep?

Seinz la. Everyone also useless.!!!!!!!

So, I online and let my feelings out here. I on blogger and MSN. The name that attract me was - John's name. I clicked at his name. Wanna write something at the MSN pop up box conversation. I am really really sad!!!! Then I think it's wrong if I talk with him. (I know if it were fatty to do that, I will be mm song also) I hold back myself. Close the "x" to close the conversation box. Cause I hope people can comfy me. Fatty sleeping. Who else online and awake such early morning? Duh...

My N6260 juz gone like that....

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Just A Ring...

...and turning everyone up side down.

Well, since today I'm not so happy so I decided to do some blogging. Happy or no Happy oso I blog. That's xter, and it's *ME.

Cant descibe how I feel now since after finish reading Nicole's mail. Partly what she talk about over the email is the truth also. Women need to be pampered and have luxurious lifestyle - if possible la. That's every girl's dream of. Even to a small kid.

My story goes like this:-

(I do not know whether I did mention this before. So far, I guess I havent wrote this yet. Cause I dont think it will bother me much)
When the 1st time I enter Fatty's room, I saw this picture sticked on the wall (him himself with his ex) - which I do not bother at the begining. I thought that he will at least play smart and on the seconds, he will take down the picture. But HE DID NOT. It's ok. I leave it aside. Until CNY came and it's day cleaning. Hoping he will at least do something bout the picture AGAIN. But once again, HE DID NOT. Until I told his brother about it (that, now I'm his GF and the picture is still infront of me) and his brother say "if for me, I will peel it off and throw it in the bin." So, he told his bro to peel it off. (Another meaning behind this story is, at least he HIMSELF is not the one who peel it off from the wall. So if next time someone asked him, he can give an answer such as "I didnt peel it off. My brother did it". Aint that called as "SMART?") His bro peel it off and throw it into the bin. To see what has happen, I picked up from my bare-handed hand and tell him to put it aside. And from his expression just now, he got abit "mm sai tak" feel when seeing the picture thrown into the bin. He did keep it aside, and I did not bother to know where he put at. Until few days later, I saw the picture right infront of me AGAIN. This time, it totally PISSED ME OFF. Fatty asked me what happen? I straight away told him I DO NOT LIKE THAT PICTURE. (THAT'S MAKING SENSE, WHO THE HELL GF OR BF WHOULD LIKE IT RITE?). And guess what he told me? He said "I thought you are not the jealous type? We are just best friend now. Nothing else". Well, dat picture was totally past romantic. I told him back "I already picked up the picture from the bin for you. Know is like a ONE PIECE memory for you and if you wanted to keep it, I definately cant stop you. But please, please do take care of my feelings". I even keep John's photos till now. So what? But at least I keep it inside my drawer and not exposing the pictures out.

The same ex will call few times in a month. Or at least once in two - three months. I know they are friends. And even know if she's sad or unhappy, she definately will call Fatty on the 1st place. I do not mind that actually. Since I know abit of her little background that she hardly mix out with people. (sorry if I'm wrong). So if she wanted somebody to talk, she can anytime call Fatty. She called few times since and even asked to meet up with Fatty. That's what he told me la. He said, partly he dont wanna meet this girl - afraid that she will express feelings to him which he wish not to hear it. But I told Fatty if next time she call again, even if you are eating with me, you can talk with her and I dont mind at all - cause in another way, I can be 8 poh. That's what I am. Haha... funny. So last month, I was shopping with my cousin and Fatty called me and told me that his ex is on the way to meet him. SHE WAS ON THE WAY. My goodness. She even told Fatty to meet up at Jusco cause she forgotten the road to Fatty's house. I give the permission to let him see her, since he told me what. Rather than he go hide it and meet her behind my back. (That's the BONUS I can give to Fatty so far, cause no matter what he will tell me everything, even when he knows I'm going to get upset and angry) I asked him, where are they going to sit down and talk or have something to bite? He said "we might go to Starbucks since she's like those kind of places". In my mind, I'm STUNT. WHAT??! I never NEVER had the chance to sit together with Fatty in Starbucks or CoffeeBean before. What I know is, I will not spend his money on this kind of places. But in the end, Fatty told me that she treated him. Anyhow, he find Fatty to tell him that she actually going to date one guy, but before can start the relationship, the guy ex came back to him. That's why she's very sad about it. When I heard that, I fucktup liao. Fucktup not that guy business. Is this GIRL STUFF. Is she BRAINLESS? She dare to tell Fatty that she's sad cause da ex came back to him. So, did she know what she did in the past to FATTY? She went off without leaving any messages to Fatty when she go back to HER OWN EX! What's bullshit she's talking about? All the way from Sri Petaling to Prima Jusco just to say all this nonsense, which reflected to herself now. Cant she realise what's she's doing? Somemore she wanna have a slight chat with Fatty before she went to Melaka for her part-time job. But when she's back, she called Fatty and told him that she reached KL adi. Asking where is he work now and bla bla bla. Cant Fatty just talk as "why you wanna tell me that you reach KL? I work where or when, why you wanna know?" Cant he be straight to people sometimes? Well, fine. If he aint acting straightly to people, nor I will. I will be you mirror. Reflect the same position of what you do. Reflect everything. (Nicole, thanks for the idea. It helps alot. Mirror do play an important role.) I know, might be she just want to let Fatty know she's back KL safely. But..HELLO, If you're smart, just keep a distance away la. Common sense ok. Even I have a best buddie and he have GF also. I didnt even disturb him, unless I reli reli do need his help. Even flash back to him. But we aint over it. We have our limits as well.

John came and find me lunch twice. The 1st time he told me that he will give me a credit card and a new phone IF I'm going to split up with Fatty infront of him over the phone. 2nd time meet up, he told me that he still wearing the ring which I returned back to him when we break up. And that's make his exGF totally "mm song". I did told him; either throw the ring away or put it aside. The answer I got from John is "Is just a ring. No big deal". But it's not about deal or no deal man. Girls heart is very small and easy to get sensitive and jealous. But it feels nice to see him/her jealous, cause from there you will know that she/he really do love you. If she/he dont bother about it, den you can just prepare for the break-up section. While talking about the ring, he pulled it out from his last finger and show me the marks, which he really did wear it over the past 2 years. I put it back on my finger and it's abit loose. So I tuck in my own ring to hold back the ring from falling out. Until finished out lunch, when I got in the office I noticed that I'm still wearing it. He told me dont throw it but just let me wear for temperory. Fine. I wear it - till now. I'm afraid he will suddenly call me out for lunch, and then I can on spot give back the ring to him. That's the main purpose I'm wearing it with me no matter where I go. So today Fatty told me that "when you wanna take it out?" I give him back his topic "Why? You jealous ar? I thought you wont get jealous wan? It's just a ring only. Nothing else. We are only friends". (That's the paragraph I gave back to him since the picture's incident. You never care about me, why should I right? I just will do the same things back to you, to let you feel what I felt that moment.) I kept asking him whether is he jealous or not? He say he didn't. Then, FINE. If you want to have FACE with me, there's nothing I can do, and the pain you can bare your ownself. Anyhow, I will take it off by today. I dont feel like making matter go worst. But I will put back the ring on my finger if one day Fatty make me cry and unhappy. So, better keep his ass close and fingercross tight tight.

The most bother me more is about Fatty's 1st ex. She's the ex I most afraid off. Bitchy type in another description. She called fatty once and asked him "wah, at last got people want you ar?". She even told fatty, if got time can go out yum cha. Then Fatty say "if got time 1st la". Meaning, I wont go out with you la, cause I'm dating someone's daughter now. I told Fatty I do not like his 1st ex. And hoping that he will keep a far distance from her. Once, we at One Station with Fatty and Devi. And Fatty saw his 1st ex. He told me his ex is at the corner of the shop. And because I'm 8 poh type, me and devi just walk by to have a look at her. Not bad! Fair, tall and pretty somemore. I got told Fatty why not he go say hie to her. He say dunwan la. Then feel abit relief already. Until... Well, well, well. She drove her car to Fatty house and ask him about car stuff. She even show fatty that she have a boyfriend, which fatty told me - she reli do love this guy alot, cause she put the picture in her purse. Which she wont do that to a guy if she do not love that guy so much. They have lots of jokes and laughter. It creeps me off when Fatty told me about it. He even told her that he's going to meet me and have dinner and asking whether she wanna join or not. But her answer is NO, and told him that Girl heart is very difficult to handle. Fatty kept telling her that I'M OKAY de. SINCE WHEN I'M OK? And I thought that HE IS KEEPING A FAR DISTANCE FROM HER?? Issit he wanna play fire or what? As I said, she's bitch and she's always a bitch to me. Even now she have a rich boyfren who can give her anything or might be everything, but once - if they break up one day (touchwood) I'm sure she will overcome me. Just hoping he will not only see for his own thinking himself - that he's right - which the girl have good bf and the picture in her purse proved everything, and now they are good buddies back.

I laughed at myself. How come I didnt break up with Fatty since he still keep in touch with his ex? I mean, his ex keep in touch with him. Why did I break up with john - the final round when I find out that he and his ex is still keeping in touch with each others? What's all this stuff?? In another direction, I'm proud of myself that I overcome ex's. But will it last long?

I just wish that he can look after himself. Look after my heart. Care bout my feelings.

If not, I think I deserve to have another option of guy. Partly, I'm tired. I'm tired of helping guys save up money. Helping them not to eat expensive food or bugging them to buy me stuff. I sometimes really really hope that I can meet a guy whose financial stable and can afford spending some at me, so I wont be helping him save up but he himself can manage to save up for his own and our future. I wish to spend guys money. Wish to have romantic dinner together with candle lights around me with some beautiful nice scent of smell and few musician playing fabulous instrument infront of my dinner table. I wish everything of it.

Sometimes I think, Life is Unfair. Fatty now have to pay up lots of debts. And I have to give positive supports to him. But in his few years back, he will spend his money to his ex. His ex will suck up his money and live without stressing out, where else I'm here locking his money as tight as possible. Darent let him spend money. That's also can prove that - his ex will love him cause he can spend money for them. They wont worry bout his financial as he keep it all by himself. But since he's with me. I told him, no matter what, he need to tell me. Hard or tough, I hope he share with me and we can make it up or come up some plannings together. Sometimes miracle do happens.

That's why - even he wanna treat me nice food to eat, I rejected it. I rather take the money and put in the coin box and accumulate it little by little. He might think - just RM100 only. But hey! RM100 is money ok! Can pay up some debts. Now, I have to stay tough with him to clear up his debts for like 2-3years. Only later, will consider about future - if he treating me good. So I have to live hardlife once again. I dunno how long I can manage this kind of steps. I'm afraid I myself will fall down one day and ran off.

Just hoping he wont upsets me again. Like what Nicole told me:-
" tell ah nam to delete all his past lor if he seriously wan this relationship. if not forget abt u. if he wants to keep then keep it nicely la..dun keep here 1 piece there 1 piece. very irritating.want to clear then clear all. dun leave sisa sisa behind. kek sum arr...."

I also kek sum. See here abit. see there abit. Total = Lagi worst. How am I going to tell him? I wish he can know by himself. I dont wish to tell him everything. He's big enough to think if he's really really into this relationship. I will not tell him what and who I dont like. I will just let him figure out the things he do, and I will sit down at the side of the corner to see what he had admended himself to be a better man which I can reconsider him of my future. Somemore I will burst IF here I go save your money, (which is always eat food court or mamak) but there you go spend with others and have fun in nightlife. I can swear to GOD, I will never ever wanted to help you save your money, instead I will keep on digging your wallet until it rots.

I might be grumpy. Will talk alot of nonsense, say la - others can get Starbucks, but where else I get Teh O Ice limau only. What to do? I never had EXPENSIVE relationship before. But I know myself. If I never do bad, or never tiap gau people's money, I will have a peaceful life in future. Even if I'm not married and remaind single forever, I dont mind also. Why? Cause I can survive my own. Can take care my ownself. I dont depends on men to look for money to spare me some.

Like just now. I told Fatty tommorrow only meet, since I just back from work and I need a rest at home. Spend some time with my family. Then he told me, he will now go find Onn Chai and go rawang there. I MM SONG LIAO! How come he need to go out har! Everytime go out, sure got use up money de lor. Cant he stay at home and darbao his dinner himself or help his mum instead? Few minutes later, he told me he didnt go out with Onn Chai. I asked why? He said, Onn Chai after go rawang, then will go clubbing. Somemore today is Ladies Night. I told him "so? Go la. Can see leng lui woh" He say "I say I dont wan to go this kind of places already.". Ok. That's totally make sense and I'm happy for it.

Just hoping...hoping he can feel what's people feel right now.

*I know he wants me by his side everyday. Since especially if he's alone in the house together with his brother and his GF, and he have to go to his room - having nothing to do. But where else I'm good at home. I have TV and DVD Player, computer and internet, esp have Fat^Fat. So my life wont go boring but will get busy and busy each day and night. But one thing. Life is full of torture. Know you "san fu" but later in future - if we are still together, I will always be by your side till I die. That I can promise you, unless - no wrong doings towards me else I leave you without any trace.*

se7en - 문신/Tattoo

Image Hosted by
문신 / Tattoo - Se7en
Song Available : Tattoo

Singer: Se7en
Translation: eebyul

Ijeneun honjaga jebeop iksukhaejyeosseo
Neol saeng-gakhaedo useul su isseo
dareun saramdo man-nabogo shipeo

Hajiman ajik anya jashini eobseo
Neol mileonaessdeon
neol biwonaessdeon
himdeun shiganeul hemeida jichyeo

Geu oraen shigani
nugureul wihan geonji
Wae tteonaya haesseul kka
dashi gaseumi me-eowa

Neon machi munshincheoreom
nae ane bunshincheoreom
jiuryeogo aereul sseodo
Jiul su eobsneungeol jal algo issneun geol

Ijeneun neoreul miwohaneun mam boda
dareun saram gyeoteseo neoreul mos ijgo
Salagalkkabwa geuge deo duryeowo

Onjenga hanbeoneun majuchil su issgessji
Geuttaen useumyeo malhago shipeo
jal jinaenyago naneun bappassdago

Hajiman maeumppunya jashini eobseo
Niga miwoseo moki me-eoseo
Nado moreuge nunmul eul boimyeon
Neon useo jugessni nugureul wihangeonji
Wae tteonaya haesseul kka dashi gaseumi meyeowa

Neon machi munshincheoreom
nae ane bunshincheoreom
jiuryeogo aereul sseodo
Jiul su eobsneungeol jal algo issneun geol

Ijeneun neoreul miwohaneun mam boda
dareun saram gyeoteseo neoreul mos ijgo
Salagalkkabwa geuge deo duryeowo

Naboda deo haengbokhae jul rae
neol deo miwohal su issge
Nareul jeongmal saranghaessdamyeon
neoyeokshi gakkeumsshik jinan nae saeng-gake hansum swieodo gwaenchanha

Sewoli heulreo gado
nunmuleul heulryeo bwado
ije waseo huhoehaedo
Soyongi eobsneun geol imi neujeossneun geol

Ijeneun neoreul saranghaneun mam boda
neoui saram gyeoteseo nareul moshijgo
Salagalkkabwa geuge deo duryeowo

nado moreuge geuge deo duryeowo

I’ve gotten quite used to being alone now
I can laugh and smile when I think about you
I want to meet new people as well

But I still cant, I have no confidence
The times when I pushed you out, when I emptied you..
I wonder through those hard times till I get exhausted

Who did I spend that long time for?
Why did you have to leave?
My heart is becoming tied up again
Like a tattoo, like another part of me

I try to erase you but I know that I cant do that
Now instead of a bitter heart towards you.
Im more worried that i’ll never forget you
while Im with someone else

We can always accidently meet sometime
Then I want to laugh and ask you
How you are and how I am

But thats only my heart, I have no confidence
Because I hated you, because I was choked up
Tears begin to fall without any notice

Will you smile for me?
Who is this for?

Why did you have to leave?
My heart is becoming tied up again
Like a tattoo, like another part of me,

I try to erase you but I know that I cant do that
Now instead of a bitter heart towards you.
Im more worried that i’ll never forget you while Im with someone else

Will you be happier than I am?
So I can hate you even more…
If you really loved me,
Its ok if you think of me sometimes and let out a big sigh

Even when time passes, even when I shed tears,
Even if I regret it now, its no use, its too late
Now instead of a loving heart for you,
Im more worried that you’ll never forget me while you’re with someone else

I dont know how but I’m more worried about that now…

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Ching Ming

Dear Justin,

Got my pressie?? Saw my baby neo?? Nice not? Pretty not?? U like it?

That's what I wanna ask you.

Thanks to Fatty for bringing me to Nirvana. Though I'm not easy to recognize that road, but at least I did make my effort to drive Baby Neo to meet Justin.

It was last sunday, I bought stuff for Justin. Esp MONEY! I know he might need money more than anything. Even bought a set box of mobiles for him. That set mobile is not bad. Got Sony Erricson, which include high-tech 3G. Goodness. He can show off to his buddies liao. Somemore, I did bought Cig from 7-11 for him. Know he likes Marlboro filter, but ..nah... I prefer him to smoke light.

Drove to Nirvana, took me... I also forgot how many hours to reach there. Countless. But who cares? At least we're safe arrive there and I can meet him - that's what I hope for.

I light up the colok and later on, burn the packaging for him. Fatty helped me out. Both of us wore black, and it's sux. Weather was pretty hot. Burn man.

Image Hosted by
Justin, Smoke Less, Your Fren.

Image Hosted by
Justin, I Miss You, Your Fren

Image Hosted by

Image Hosted by

Image Hosted by

Making sure everything was really burn to ash.

After everything was done. Fire slowly to subside, fade off. I began my path to walk to Justin's ash place. Fatty went out to buy some drinks (since there is NO SHOPS! Just ice-cream man). I talked to Justin for quite some time.

Bi, did you hear me? Did you really sees me? I wanna talk with you alot lot more. But there was a small child standing next to me, talking with you. She might think that I'm talking to walls like those insane person. Luckily she not tell her mommy saying "mummy, mummy... you see this jie jie. She talk with the dead people. Can we do that the same to grandpa and grandma??" Hah!

Full of joy.

Full of sorrow.

Seeing you left me behind far far away from you. Away from your distance. How long can I keep on going without you by myside? It hurts alot. Though I told myself I have to let you go, bits by bits. But can I?

You know, r'ber once we watch Shutter - the thai version in Maxi? Well, you were pretty afraid of what you saw. And since there is English version, I tot I might enjoy myself with fatty (which I bought him the other day to meet you) and hoping you were there right beside me enjoying the movie together. But were you there that moment?

I hold my tears not to cry. Just have a rough talk with you. But before I left, Before I close the door right infront of your face. I stare at your picture for not more than 10secs and I begin to cry. I dunno. Somehow tears just drops and starting to flow like rives. I try hold back, but couldnt. And kept asking you, WHY THE HELL YOU LEFT ME???

It's so pain you know. We share everything. You're the one who still keep in touch with me since we graduate. You're the one who willing to help me in photoshop. You're teh one who always there to cheer me up, fuck with each other, slam each other. But now? Where are you?

You really giving me a hard time. Been 2yrs you left. Your age still younger than mine, and it will never be change. IS SO UNFAIR, you know???????

But after visiting you. We went to you mother's place. You mum, OF COZ still cant forget about you. R'be rthe small baby boy you like to be with him? He grew adi. He's in kindagarden now. He's shy and cool when he 1st met him. I kept saying helo, hie, helo to him, but you know what I get at last? ZERO. He aint making friends with me. Nor smile or at least say Hie to me. None.

Your mum gave me see your baby photos. Even the time you attend for your 1st sista wedding day. You look cool. Aint smile also. So, when I flash back my dreams which you surprisingly gave it to me. I am PROUD OF MYSELF. Which you gave me a dream I cant forget. The way you actual smile at the camera. It's the most beautiful and chariming face I ever see, that even glow behind you. Is such a fairytale.

Somemore, after an hour and half. That small boy started to come near me. Taking out his books, flipping pages to let me see. Showing me that he's intelligent and have LOTS OF STARS AND A'S. He's clever boy. He luv to colour stuff as well. His skills are not bad. Your mummy say, everyone in the house aint like him, xcept for you. Cuz u will always protect and be always beside him and give all your love to him. Now, you're gone. He have no place to for a cry shoulder.

He's cute. Adorable. He took out toys from his room. One by one he's taking out his plush toys, vehicals, everything. Showing off to me that he got lots of stuff to play. AKA. Even I saw the Chicken Little was on top of the rak. I told your mum that we bought it together with wykie at Mc.D. Buy 2, but instead that stupid waiter gave another one. Means we have total of 3. One of us own one. And my chicken Little is still with me.

Your mum say, she's ok especially if the two children were there with her. Cause children can bring laughter and make the environment go messy. Oh ya. Ah Bi got one little bro. 1yr and half if not mistaken. He's same as you. Like to ban leng leng. His mum say, if he aint wearing any nice baby tee, he will not go out and will stamp around to have better clothes putted on. He's fashionable.

But if the two children were bought back to d'sara. Then your mum will starting to think of you. Cause you're the only child who can bring happiness to your family. Your mum even say you wanna pierce your ear and tattoo your body (and I know you envy of my tattoo) and guess what? She's regret that she didnt let you do it. She say, she suppose to let you do whatever you want. So, hope you wont blame your mum ok. She loves you deep down. Only sometimes you cant see it right infront of your eyes.

Your mum got ask me whether you have GF or not. And I started to tell her your story regarding you wanna tackle the gurl, who work at the bra shop. I r'ber you said you accidentally saw her changing her bra, and you looked EVERYTHING! Shit la. Your air liur is still dropping.

Well, your mum knows taht u fancy this girl alot. Even the girl tell you to smoke less, and your mum say it's good coz it's for your OWN GOOD. But I still r'ber that your mum forbid you to have any relationship with her since she's born under tiger and you're under boar and it's aint gonna merge together. But I sees your mum is fine with that girl oh?!

Anyway, it's past.

And another news is. WHY i'm not having any lump or breast cancer huh????? How come? I wish to have it. I wish to die slowly. I wish to leave this world quitely. But why GOD aint granting my WISH? Sometimes I'm sick of my life. The everyday doings. I wanna get over it. I've been talking and blogging and bubbling since I was young, till now. Anyhow, I'm having a slight operation next month. Doc say it's better to take and test some of my inner tissue for double confirmation. Huh. I tot of not going. My mum kept on telling over and over again - XTER DONT THROW THE PAPER!!! XTER NEXT MONTH IS YOUR APPOINTMENT! XTER KEEP THE PAPER PROPERLY. YOU HAVE TO GO CHECKUP TO MAKE SURE OF EVERYTHING.

Nag. How long can I continue to take this? Know she worried la. But she's over worried. But she's a good mum also. She will make one warm marmite for me before I went to sleep.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Kee Fai Is Back!!

Last week I spent my weekends wif my cousin. Well, It's been like ages I've never see him - until recently. Uncle Leong told me that KeeFai will be going over Malaysia for his work transfer and he will be free on weekends.

On last friday, I got his call. I dunno whow as that, cause the sound kept saying "helo, helo helo". I hung up twice. Until the 3rd time, I realize the call is from him. I called him back, since my 016 phone got HUGE problem while listerning.

We met up for dinner on saturday nite. Dad drove to Puchiong and meet up KeeFai at Kee Seong's place. Wow! He's big size with sexy body. When he smile. he looks so cute man! His dimply... My godd...I never imagine he grew up so tall yet so handsome and macho.

Image Hosted by
Aint they look alike? Like brothers

Image Hosted by
Ate steamboat near puchong.

Is nice having dinner together with him around. He talks alot. Friendly world. hmmm.. After dinner, Kee Seong fetch him back to the hotel. (But never knew, when he dropped off his mum,they go for drink till 3am reach home -_-")

Anyway on sunday, we meet up again. Coz over the phone, I adi told him that saturday and sunday, my hours he can definately have it. But of coz I told Fatty dat I cant accompany him. (And he reli, reli keep on calling me, asking me where am I?. When I will be going home? Say very boring at home. Wanna have dinner together with me. Miss me alot.) But I cant do anything. I really really need to accompany my cousin.

Even dat sunday, my mum tot of accompany me to the hotel where KeeFai is staying. And dat's make me go out with KeeFai, Kee Seong and Kee Seong's mum. I dont care. I just want to see and chat with KeeFai only. As I said, Is such a long long SUPER DUPER YEARS, I never met him!! He's the only cousin that I like when I was small. And I reli likes his parents alot. Even, me and Uncle Leong will keep in touch via emails. Sometimes chat about our lifes, and he will tell me the next stop of his destination.

But we're late. So I called Kee Seong whether he knows where is KTM at Kajang. But he dont know. Cuz if he knows where is it, den me and my mum can wait them there. Then, I called Kee Seong again. Asked him if he's ok to fetch us from MidValley? And he's ok with it.

If not, me and my mum willbe late. As discussed, we supposed to reach KeeFai's hotel at 11am. But couldnt make it. So reached there quite late adi. So sorry~ All my fault...

Anyway, we got in his room and waited for him to ban leng leng zai zai. Looking out from his window, can see ang mo wear bikini de. One of that gurl is sexy. Hmphh...

Before heading to Kajang, we stopped at China Town to have our light breakfast. Ate Wantan mee, wantan and popiah. Then head to Kajang to "bai san" for grandma, grandpa and uncle meng. I neva pray for Uncle Meng, until dat sunday. Peac be with them...

Next,we have satays. Chicken, Beef and Mutton. Delicious!!!!!

And ... head to 1utama for shopping. Well going in some of the shops, until G2000. Ahem.. He likes those shirts very much. And that 3 shirts cost RM300++ and with pants is like almost RM400+ For me, IS SUPER DAMN XPENSIVE. But he told me is ok since after he converted the changer.

He even bought one earing for his GF back there. Asking my opinion, I directly say "yes". Is very nice. From Giordano. Somemore got warranty lifetime. So is worth buying. While walking, he says he wanna go to FCUK. WOW! FCUK is damn XPENSIVE also. GOD DAMN XPENSIVE. And he told me, he can buy me one if I see the clothes I like.

NO WAY MAN! If I like also I wont tell him. Coz is xpensive. But I saw one pink transparent bag. Cost RM80 (with no discount T_T) Very nice. (coz I luv transparent stuff) Hope can half half with fatty. Else, hope to wait it drop and got discount ner. Another thing. KeeFai ask me to wear a jacket at FCUK. Is nice. But the size is quite big. I said, If I wear and doesnt suit me but it suit his GF then? He said something like - dont worry. Her size is just same like you. Same height with u also. (Ok, now I happie, coz got ppl same same tall and thin think with me; which means I'M NOT ALONE). But the jacket aint fit me. BUT IS NICE. Comfy when wearing it.

Faster faster walk out from that shop. But before that, I got told him. I will be very happy if he were to treat me dinner later on. :D

On the center of the area, got Osim, PAPA. I ask aunty and my mother to seat on the sofa to have a slight massage. Is FREE. So, on another side. Is for massaging legs. Wow.. SONG LEA!! So comfortable. Sat like 2-3minutes. Very very high...very song...

Next stop will be the Lacoste. He saw one sling bag and ask me to put it on. Be his model again. Well, he just wanna make sure it fits perfectly to his GF. But after he bought the sling bag, he lor lor luin for the handy bag and ask me

KeeFai: Which will your boyfren buy for you? Sling or the handy wan?
xter: My boyfren never buy any bags for me wan
KeeFai: Just - as which you prefer and likeable?
xter: If me, I prefer the pink one (pointing at the pink bag infront of the opening entrance)
KeeFai: So, which wan?
xter: Okok.. I will go for the handy wan. Coz sling bag is abit outdated lor. Somemore this sling bag is for sporty type.

He's been thinking awhile, and he go change it. And you know how much it cost? RM400+ Where else the sling bag is RM200++. MY GOD! I wanna faint liao. I should bring him go Pasar Malam and buy lots of bags for his GF then. Just estimate the cost per bag is like RM50 and he can buy 4-6 nice bags instead of one branded bag. Aduiii... If I'm his mother, I sure very heart break wan. But, if he seldom buy things for his GF, den it's reasonable also lor.

So at nite, we ate vegetarian. KeeSeong ask me am I ok with it. I say no problem. Of coz I no problem ya. Cuz vegetarian I also can eat. Where else, if I dont eat, my aunty will be starving. Where can I be selfish for myself right? I can eat anything I want. But...the restorant IS NOT BAD! I luv the curry and the prawn. Is very nice. That's why I finished up my bowl. Yummy. I'm full dat day and KeeFai treat us for the dinner. Thanks alot KeeFai and Thanks alot Kee Seong for fetching us and treating me and my mum for dinner :)

Image Hosted by
xter and Kee Fai

Image Hosted by
F L 2 R: xter, Kee Fai, Kee Seong

On monday, KeeFai SMS me. Asking for my house address saying he got something from Australia but was left at his boss place. So he will ask his colleague to send to me. While, he will departing on dat same day at 9.50pm. Around 5.30pm, his colleague called me up. Asking where I work and can he have my address so he can drop by the stuff for me. I smsed to him and sms againt o KeeFai. Telling him I will call him at 8pm like dat. I reli clueless what he's going to send to me although is something very important. Chatted with him over the phone while having dinner together with Fatty for like 6mins like dat. I dunno whether will be double charge or not, since he's using australian line when he arrived at malaysia. And thanks alot to Fatty coz he helped me to reload. Love him lots.

On monday nite. After my OT, I told mum that KeeFai will be sending us something. My mum say, izzit the pink bag? I say no la. Is from aussie de. So if his mum call us up, just say that we got the gifts from KeeFai ya.

No news from his colleague on tues and I dont bother quite much. Might be he's not free. KeeFai chat wif me via MSN to ask whether I received it or not. I say not yet. And I told him what was inside the bag? He say, just something from australia for my parents. FOR MY PARENTS ONLY? How about me? Can i take some? he say, if it suits u, den u can have it also. Haha. Just KDIN.

On wed noon, his colleague called me up and I met him at 7-11. The 1st thing when received the bag; I WAS IN SHOCK! Full of SURPRISE which I never xpected him to buy me that gift. MY GOODNESS - That was what I said in my 1st words. I reli reli never expect him to buy me that pink bag.

My heart was totally confused. Confused in the sense of happy and in a shock which full of big beautiful surprise. I thanks the man. Even asked him izzit he helped my cousin buy or? And he say, my couin buy than ask him to deliver to me. MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! I'm totally speechless man. Too xcited, yet too happy. 1st thing 1st, I called fatty to share my joy. I was over happy.

At nite, I saw him at MSN and ask him how come he bought it and say thanks alot to him. Infact, I should say thousands of millions thanks to him. He told me on monday he got all the time, and he went to pavillion. And he saw this brand, got in the shop and bought for me - thinking that I might like it. Infact, I LOVE IT ALOT. I told him why did he buy such an xpensive gift to me as I already satisfied with the dinner. And he said "Not expensive when I only see u once in 15 years! Anyway, as long as it makes u happy!"

Image Hosted by
This is the Pinkish bag I was taking about :)

and ...




Another thing. Dunno is consider bad or good news to me lea? Maybe no news? Haha. It's like this. Last three days, after my work I took a bath and I find out there's a lump at my right breast. It's not that big nor tiny or small small one. Just like some kind of rounded stone like that. I told fatty and my mum about it. And she decided to take me to hospital on monday. I was like - what? so fast???? And she shut me down in one word - If You're having lump or breast cancer, is a serious matter.

Okiez. fine. I took leave and give boss approve. Even Nicole, Rachel and Fong Yuen chatted wif me over this. Mainly Nicole gave me alot of information. She said, it might be the tissue inside our breast is getting harder and not fully grown. Need to massage alot so the lump will go off. That's what she told me when she face the same problem. She even advise me to go see doctor also. Incase.

Well, nothing I can do actually. If reli have breast cancer or anything which is negative, I also kenot do anything right? Die, sure one day will die de. If now not die yet, sooner or later also will meet the death line. So, what's the different between die now and later?

I dun wanna press anymore la. The more I press my breast to feel the rounded lump, da more I get pain.

Die mai die lor. Hoping to meet Justin aslo. Dunno lea. Somemore I wish to have cancer few years back adi. If reli have, den my dreams come true. But when my mum talk wif me bout breast cancer and will die la.. or this and dat la, then I worried bout just one thing.

So my family wont be stress over it.

Anyway, see how la. Life still goes on... that's what everyone says.