Goin To Be...

F.R.E.A.K.I.N.G 30 after 3 years from now!!

Oh My God.

I do not know that I am getting old so soon. Is so gonna freak the hell out of me. I wasn't that aware until recently.

Actual fact, I was in love with a man. The man where he can "maybe" make my dreams come true. The man where I "think" I will not stress out in financial.

Well, in my past few years back. I've been having quite some relationships in my life. The one with in and out. So sick of mens. And actual, I never fail to support them - esp in financial too. (I do hope I cant quit it one day and let them pampered me instead)

But can I really get the chance and make my dreams come true?

I Hope So.

Sometimes I do wish my only boyfren or soon-to-be husband can provide me a house where we can actually live together. I might not see him frequently as my job really works round the clock. The only chance I was hopping is that - If we do live together, though I will be late home and he might be sleeping soundly. But, at least I can do is just sleep + hug right beside him.

Just recently, I knew someone that can provide me this things. Where, "if possible" we might date for just 1year and get married after that. He has his plan of getting a new house too and plan to live together (this was my dream, and I was full of surprise when he told me - this is what he planned when getting married). I was seriously touched.

But in dilemma.

I wasn't sure whether to step ahead and let go of my current men.

Guy A - whom he knows well of my character, the food I love to eat and my bad tempered where he can actually survive with.

Guy B - where he can bring me to places. We might have conflicts together, but he promised me that he will not make it happened. He will even work hard and will not let me suffer with a difficult life. He said, he rather bare the difficulties.

As for my current boyfren:-

It's been two years and stepping into the 3rd year now. I still didn't see any improvement from him. My age is just below 25 when I first dated him. I wasn't really care for my beyond future. I always tell myself - why should I worried when I wasn't 30?

And this time. I was so wrong. I am damn worried. I am so gonna be 30 after 3years time.

Yet, he is not stable with his job and his financial was not so good. I have helped him ever since I am with him. Until...I am getting tired myself. Sometimes, I wish to give up upon him and continue my life. I dont care if I live single or alone - as I know I can really take good care of myself and not to depends on them.

I know..he's trying to work hard too. But...sometimes, I think - whatever he do - is just too late. He's going to be 30 soon. And that's making me more worried.

I even told him, if I am over 30 (the latest I give is 35), I will so not going to get myself pregnant as this age can lead to death for two.

I need a men where he can take care of me. Love me more than ever and never betray my love. I do not wish to help them (but in circumstances only). I really wish to be pampered by them.

"Hell, what is wrong with me? I am not that kind of women"

Actual fact, I just hope to have a normal couple life.

A life where men love his own women.
A life where men do not take women for granted.
A life where men can work hard for a women's living
A life where men can provide a living to have a family ahead in future.

But since, I did something - very wrong in my life. I wasn't there yet to forgive my sin.

*If you know what I am trying to said, Please. Please give me some time to lay alone. 1 month, 3 months or maybe half the year. From this seperate months...you can concentrate on your job and I can concentrate mine for the time being. Cause I feel awkward when facing you. Each time I face you, I knew I was wrong. Sometimes, I wish to voice out - let's end this up. And I know you will eventually get hurt as this is not your fault - and is all my matters that I am just losing you. I do not know whom to choose. So I just let time pass by...