Monday, April 12, 2010

Long Last Journey

My voice to you - Nam (aka Fatty)

Being together with you for 2 years and 3 months is not easy. But yet, I am happy being with you and you were always right beside me when ever I wanted you to. Whenever I needed help, I will 1st thing call you.

I always remember things about you whenever I go.

Fatty this name is I create just for you only. I like seeing you put on weight and make you more flesh and bouncing. I cant pronounce your chinese name properly, so Fatty is the best way I can call you. I like hearing your voice when you said "Fatty want to sleep lor..dunwan choi you ady" or "Fatty is hungry..." or "Fatty oh poot poot sin" or "Fatty come now ya". Now, I dont think I will ever heard those voices anymore.

Though, we always go to Kepong Jusco to catch a midnight movie, and I didnt even say a word that I wanted to go far far away to watch a movie such as to Midvalley, Sunway or even Pavillion. As I know, driving journey is far, yet have to pay the amount of the parking ticket and the petrol for the travel can be gone just in a snap. I even asked you, "Let's go to Jusco to buy the mineral water, as TGV selling the mineral is way xpensive.". And we will just take a walk to Jusco and bought one from there. Sometimes to save cost, you will reuse the water bottle and filled up with water from your home. But it last only - maximum 5 times so far. Or maybe less than that. I always wanted you to buy normal seat (esp if there is no one watching the movie), and yet you bought for couple seats. I wish to help you save the RM2 as in malay phase, they said "lama-lama jadi bukit". Means, even everytimes we choose for normal seat and save the RM2, sooner or later, it will turns that we saved alot. But wanted the couple seat and don't mind paying extra for it as you wanted me to seat it with my comfortable way - where I will lift up my leg and stretched it out, or maybe put my legs at yours. I know you wanted couple seat so that we can seat near to each other more. And also, I know you like touching my hands and rubbing my hand so that I can keep warm, but each time you do that, I will be pissed off. Im sorry for not caring about your thoughts.

You always look after my car alot. When ever my car got problem, you will be there. You even helped me to service it and giving the best for my Baby Neo. I appreciate it a million, as I myself, love my car alot. You even helped me to put woofer and amplifier, and yet, I bursted it out. No I think, I need to out-sourced for my audio, my car accessories, my visor, my rim and even for my servicing. I need to be more independent from this very moment. And from there, I will drive safe yet will not race my car out.

Anniversary or Celebration
I always look forward to this kind of things. Valentine, Burfday, Christmas and Anniversary with you. Cause you will think of a special gift to make me happie. You know I wont be liking if you just bought one things and wrap it up and present it to me. But, you will make something into it. You will add the final touch to be perfect. I remember, the 1st Valentine day on 2008, you dont have much money and yet, you need to go genting as one of your relative car broke down. But, one the way back, you bought me some chocs. You know, I rather you don't buy me the choc but to bring me to Chandran and treat me eat Indo mee. At least, I can still have my belated Valentine celebration infront of you together. But, when you got some income, you will spend on me by bringing me to have a nice dinner. I'm alright with eating it once in a blue moon.

I even remembered that you will give me a surprised and bought me MCD choc Ice Cream or Ah Bi plum and treat me - while I was opening OT @ Maxiimpact that moment. I felt sweet and I kept every single cover you did to make me happy.

Your parents
All I'm worried is - your parents must be hating me so much that I left you and betrayed your love and went to another guy. I deserve their talks and hates and I wont be fighting back as this is my wrongs. I will never be a good GF for the rest of my life - I bet. I must said, your parents are good. Infact, I like them alot. Both of them. Really. But, I know, I will be forever their bads from now-on.

*sob sob* - DAMN! I hate when my tears rolling down...

Sometimes, I think that...

Have you ever wanted to buy a house and live together with me when we were together back then?

As, I always dreamt that, me and you could live together one day. Even living in a Flat, I am more satisfied. You know, for you, I dont ask much from you. I wont be asking you to give me a fancy house (but needed a coxy one) or a vulnerable branding (without a brand, I am also happy that things brought from you is from your heart and not from the value of the cost) like others girls would like. I just want to live together with you. You and me, alone. We can cook together, wash our clothes together, watch TV together and tuck in bed together. Just like normal lover couples do.

I remember that very night, I cried outside of my working company, inside my car. I cried about 2hours back then. I was confused. Confused whether am I choosing the right or the wrong ones. I also remember that you plead me for giving you a year to prove to me that you can manage everything and giving me a good life. But infact, I choose not to follow. Im afraid that you cant do it. Im afraid that I might not living in a good life. I afraid that, in the end I will hate you more. So, I choose now. Choose to leave you and giving you sorrows.

I know, I am a very bad girlfren. Bet, the worst of all from your ex and giving you a deep deep cut at your heart.

The night, when I wanted to reverse my dad's car and park my car inside. And that moment, you throw your bad tempers towards me infront of my mother who just wake up and watched over me and you. I kept refreshed my mind everyday ever since the incident happened, as what you did - is totally freak my mum out. You went to your back seat, opened the door, take a bunch of bags and smack it hard with high impact at the center of the road and started to yell that " Xter Foong, you are the one who betrayed my love!".

I know. But I do not know why I wanted to do this kind of things towards you. Is so not me at all. I cant forgive myself either.

But did you know. When I shifted my car inside, I bathed and then...I went out to pick out the things you throw at the road. At 1st, I do not wish to pick. But then, I reckon that you might throw everything that I gave you, esp those pictures we took together. So, that's why I picked it up. And started to look at the bags...and yea. You throw the whole photos we took at Singapore.

Next batch, when I went back to sleep, mum knocked over my door and said "the fellow left another bag at the front gate". I woke up, and saw the bag hanging at the gate. Took the bag inside the porch and saw that you gave me our photo albums.

I was so hurt. You really didnt keep ONE of our photos. I felt like crying, but then I rethink. Why should I cry? Cause I'm the one who hurt him and not him hurting me.

Then I started to look through at this photo album. Inmagine. I picked it up myself! This is the album we had and we bought together also.

Flipping, page by page...

And...I just snap some only. I will be throwing out this album soon. So, not to waste it. I just captured and upload to blog. At least, I still can remembered part of it and not the whole album. Thanks for accompany me to Singapore back then.

I can even tell you that even now...even we broke up. I didnt take out your photo from my purse. It was then, Ken asked me - issit you still miss him, cause the picture is still placing at your purse. I just keep quite. Maybe now..maybe later, I will just take it out. As you don't belong to me anymore.

You kept your ex pictures, and that's hurts me when I saw it at your room. didn't keep mine. I'm okay. I know you want to get rid of all my things. I understand every single thoughts of yours now.

You throwed away those things I gave to you from the bottom of my heart. Do you know that? Do you know when I saw the purse I bought for you, you gave back to me. Infact, it is together inside the bag where you smacked hardly at the floor. But, I did not keep the purse. For somehow, mum saw the purse and asked me whether I want to keep or not? Cause she knows is not a cheap purse. But I told her - Just throw everything away. If by this week, the bags is still infront of the porch, I will throw it myself this weekend.

Nam, the purse I gave you is really from my heart. I know your purse is un-useable and that's why I bought you a better one. Do you know, I was in financial too that moment? But, still..I buy you one because I love you that moment. I want you to deserve better. You even know that I will not buy myself expensive things to make myself happy. But I will buy expensive things for you - if I can afford it.

And even, you gave me back the clothes that I newly bought for you just recently. You never wore that 2 clothes before. And I got no chance to see it either. Cause I know, you wanted to wear it infront of me. But then, I got no chance of seeing you.

You bought me things, and I still keep properly. I want to remember every single things you did for me. Every single moment, you are trying to make me happy.

That's why Ken, wanted me to get rid of those items (without any force). But I do not want too. Necklace is one of the item.

Left is mine

He wanted to replace with a new one. But I love this one more. So, I kept telling him that I am so going to keep it. Whether he like it or not, he still have to face my necklace. I might not care about his love, but...well, see how it goes. If he really is the one for me. If he really can take good care of me, then I will do everything that he don't like. And so does him too. Cause I am the person, who wants to be together with me - Need to clear all the PAST!

Though, you bought me this red phone of Sony, I will treasure it till the worst.

Infact, is still in good condition too.

Last but not least, the watch you gave me on my burfday. Or issit a valentine gift?

A bracelet watch

The time just stopped back in weeks. And ken bought me a new battery. He knew that you gave me this watch and he even knew that I like this watch alot too. I asked him how much for it so I can pay him back. But he do not wan to take my money. He said, he wanted to make me happy and that's why he make the watch work back good in time. I felt miserable.

Let me know, should I throw away the things you gave me and start anew with him? Or I keep it because I really treasure everything you gave me? Cause, since you did not treasure the things I gave to should I right? But sorry, I am not your thinker. I am your opposite view. So, I will still keep it until it doesnt work anymore.

Sometimes, being your girlfriend I do not know 100% of you. Even if I know your income. Those in and outs. But maybe, sometimes you do not share it with me, until I think negative about you. You will only share with me when you are in the critical base. I do not wish to see your upsets looks, and that's why I helped you when ever I could. All you need is, to pay me back once you got your pay-check.

But I am tired after all this do's.

Now, you only told me that you helped your boss with your own money 1st and your boss havent paid you back. You wanted to give me 1k for me to spend over HK this coming August. Only now..only when I wanted to break off with you...only you told me everything. Isn't that late to say everything? I wish you could tell me earlier. I wish, even I didnt answer your call, but at least you text me and I can know what happen. But you didnt. And each time, after work, I will go back home to sleep and forgot all about your earlier calls.

I know I am a workaholic when I started to work at Teabreak. I know you don't like either. I know your friends might think that I will run away with another guy. And I did.

Your friends were right. I did what they said.

When making the decision of whom to choose, I was in pretty headache. If I was still single, I dont mind being so headache. But now..I am stuck. I have hardless nights of sleeping too. But I kept telling myself, I need to lose one guy. So, I choosed you.

I might be wrong for letting you go. You are the one, so far I dated the longest. You are the one that hurt me again and again, and I've been giving you chances after chances. You are the one who make me cry the most. But you are the one I comfortable going out with. Cause, you and me always think the same direction. And, you wont even make a noise when I went to Bangsar boutique, where you accompany me in going up and down every boutiques in Bangsar. I like trying those clothes out and asking for your opinion. Showing you how am I look like? If you don't like, I will undress myself and will not buy it.

All of now. I need to start anew once again.

So please. Please do not return back the money where you promised that you will pay half half for my Lomo Black, Bird and my tyre. I do not want it anymore. If I am still your GF, I dont mind having it, as you promised. But now. I am not your other half girl. So, I do not wish your name appears in there also. I know, you wanted to do the last things of everything, but...I am sorry.

Ken even asked me to go and find you back. But I didn't choose to. did the worst infront of my family and there is no more turning back. You knew that too.. Do not say, you love me much or miss me anymore. Cause each time you told me that, my hearts cried. And each time my heart bleeds, I felt I am treating you very badly.


Lean said...

Checking out ere. =)

kenwooi said...

well, relationships can be pretty nasty at times.. =/